Sunday, June 28, 2009
All Alone
i've been super stressed out lately with all the arguements and fighting, im sad my friend Chelly went back to Tx.... icing on the cake of this whole thing would be my favorite aunt died on Friday and they buried her today from a freak car accident no one told me anything bout it. all i heard was something about head on collision which i dont understand how that could possibly happen on a 2way street if both parties are on the right side... August 10, 1968- June 26, 2009 Rest in peace May, i love u even tho we didnt always see each other. my mom would always separate us cuz i used to look up to her so much bcuz she was so girly and mom &dad wanted a boy so we couldnt see each other as much. i didnt have that many people in my blood family that "loved" me cuz everyone else was too fucking busy treating me like their servant child. May used to live with us when i was growing up shewas there since i was born. she would take me to thee park across the street in Eldridge St. chinatown and she bought me my first tricycle until dad threw it out cuz he said he never got one when he was growing up so i dont deserve one. even tho thru the years we grew apart and i didnt always agree with her choices since her ex-husband used to molest me when i was 8... i never changed how much i loved her. they didnt last long since he broke into her safeand took her information, a shitload of gold that was given to her thru the years and a shitload of money she had saved up. they had a baby together and he stole everything. i feel so alone everyone keeps leaving me. i only had 3 people to love me in my whole blood family line and theyre jus about all gone... my grammy died bout 2 months ago she used to live with us too back in that tiny apartment in 69 Eldridge st #4 ny ny 10002 haha i still remember the address cuz i remember i had to write it over and over when i was in 1st grade... until i moved... my grammy always loved me best out of the 11 children she had only 7 made it and now only 5 are alive that those 7 all had children and of all those grandkids she has she loved me most. she taught me everything i am today from the language of the homeland Fu Zhou, China to chibonics.. (chinese ebonics lol..) and then theres 1 cousin that i grew up with sorta my parents tried to keep us apart but shes always been there for me when i needed her but our circumstances keep a distance between us but whatever... so 2 are gone only 1 left in family blood bonds... as for everything else its only a matter of time before Pooba leaves too... i feel so abandoned and neglected... :( i feel like God hates me and hes targetting me... me and pooba got into an arguement today... we had made plans to go to the supermarket and he abandoned me cuz someone said something he was like oh u expect me to wait around for u to come back noope i dont but why did u make plans with me then that dont make any sense... i dont feel the love one bit he shows me love whenever he feels good and ready... and im not with that.... i got no home to go back to seeing as to some stranger took over my room and its a reallllllllly small house. i feel hopeless and i for one feel completely alone cuz im trying to get a job to get out of my situation but Pooba dont even seem to be trying at all... he'll fill out 1-2 applications then tell me he filled out 100000000 but meh.... its not my life but he could at least jus upgrade himself some new clothes and shit... anyways... i think the world is picking on me... hey lets see how much shit she takes before she slits her throat :-D! joy...
Friday, June 19, 2009
Tips for making a relationship work From TV host Dr. Phil
Tips for making a relationship work from tv host Dr. Phil
•The quality of a relationship is a function of the extent to which it is built on a solid underlying friendship and meets the needs of the two people involved.
•You get what you give. When you give better, you get better.
•If you put your relationship in a win/lose situation, it will be a lose/lose situation.
•Forget whether you're right or wrong. The question is: Is what you're doing working or not working?
•There is no right or wrong way to fix a relationship. Find your own way that works. But recognize when it's not working and be honest when it needs fixing.
•Falling in love is not the same thing as being in love. Embrace the change and know that it takes work.
•You don't fix things by fixing your partner.
•Intimacy is so important because it is when we let someone else enter our private world.
•You don't necessarily solve problems. You learn how to manage them.
•Communicate. Make sure your sentences have verbs. Remember that only 7 percent of communication is verbal. Actions and non-verbal communication speak much louder.
•You teach people how to treat you. You can renegotiate the rules.
this is kinda true but its not proven to work. I've been in a relationship with this guy for 3+ years and no matter how i speak up on how i feel i should be treated it doesn't always work that way. He simply doesn't listen and will start spazing out the second he nears anything that might lead to a negative outcome BEFORE it even happens and we all know when u start freaking out before we even get a chance to ask then we get more suspicious about EVERYTHING that we wasnt even suspicious about before. cuz like why are u spazzing out? what r u hiding?? communication goes bothways if both parties dont communicate then we not getting anywhere at all if only one person is talking then its not gonna work. some people are stubborn as hell so u can sit there and talk and talk and talk but they wont be listening and the silent treatments ugh!!!!! yea.... the giving? omg we as females are always giving and giving ive always gave him everything and he cant do simple things for me like it doesnt even make sense yes im men bashing men are soooo frustrating!!!!! all they do is make u angry and all worked up upset annoyed and they act like they dont have a care in the world AT ALL!!! they'll sit there and watch u cry bcuz they made u cry and its perfectly ok for them to scream and raise their voice at u but when u do it its never ok all these double standards UGH!!!!! men...... i dont even know what to do with him cant live with em cant live without em... he needs to get a JOB!!!... grrrrr.. its so frustrating... hes always like oh i wanna marry u i want u to have my last name bear my children live together la la la but hes not showing any strives towards getting a job and saving up for it. he says it cause i dont keep a job for more than 3 months. well excuse me but if u only keep a job for 3 weeks 1 time a year and i get random jobs all year long for not longer than 3months whos that bad on? its like im still trying to figure out what i wanna do im still trying to make it but u ur jus sitting home doing nothing playing videogames and sleeping u expect me to always take care of u but ur not willing to do anything to help out. your idea of helping out is doing dishes. and nothing more. >:O! hes usually always lying to me so i don't really trust him too much but I'm trying to get better with that just like he "says" hes getting better with telling the truth but i shouldn't have to ask him for things i should already have : honesty, respect, communication. like the communication can always get better or worse but i expect at least some decent amount of communication i shouldn't have to sit there and guess oh whats he thinking but at the same time I'm not gonna like expect u to tell me EVERYTHING like u pooping how it looked how that felt like ew? I'm a very simple girl. i like video games i like to be independent, have fun, and i like to show my man all the love he could possibly want or need. i don't expect u to get me shit take me anywhere but do at least get a job to better yourself just cuz u don't see me working 24/7 or all the time doesn't mean u gotta sit there nd not better yourself. it makes no sense. I'm tired of arguing with him over it I'm tired of feeling unappreciated so if it happens it happens... if not then... i dunno... So anyways my family ain't shit i had been staying with Darren n Chelly at their suite with Pooba for a few days at a time, and i feel like there's a shitloada tension and drama that's going to go down, all the secrets and the lies that's within here and everywhere. i feel so confused and frustrated. For once i feel not so depressed bcuz i don't have my "family" dragging me down making me feel useless and like I'm ugly and the fattest girl ever just cuz i got titties and a ass they think that pretty is skin and bones and mosquito bites for titties >.>" i dont wanna look anorexic. they been doing me wrong for years now from stealing from me to throwing my stuff away to trying to kill me... im sooooo serious... so i dont want anything to do with them i just want to get my own place and never see them ever again. i fear my dreams are really further from my grasp then i think it is since i live in nyc shits all super expensive like crazy.. i wish everything would jus fall into place... ive worked soo hard for toooo long to keep landing flat on my ugly face like i been doing all this time... GOD!!!!!!!!!!!! i jus feel so damn hopeless... and with everything going on i feel so...suicidal... all i keep hearing is empty promises im tired of it all... i hate my life :'(
•The quality of a relationship is a function of the extent to which it is built on a solid underlying friendship and meets the needs of the two people involved.
•You get what you give. When you give better, you get better.
•If you put your relationship in a win/lose situation, it will be a lose/lose situation.
•Forget whether you're right or wrong. The question is: Is what you're doing working or not working?
•There is no right or wrong way to fix a relationship. Find your own way that works. But recognize when it's not working and be honest when it needs fixing.
•Falling in love is not the same thing as being in love. Embrace the change and know that it takes work.
•You don't fix things by fixing your partner.
•Intimacy is so important because it is when we let someone else enter our private world.
•You don't necessarily solve problems. You learn how to manage them.
•Communicate. Make sure your sentences have verbs. Remember that only 7 percent of communication is verbal. Actions and non-verbal communication speak much louder.
•You teach people how to treat you. You can renegotiate the rules.
this is kinda true but its not proven to work. I've been in a relationship with this guy for 3+ years and no matter how i speak up on how i feel i should be treated it doesn't always work that way. He simply doesn't listen and will start spazing out the second he nears anything that might lead to a negative outcome BEFORE it even happens and we all know when u start freaking out before we even get a chance to ask then we get more suspicious about EVERYTHING that we wasnt even suspicious about before. cuz like why are u spazzing out? what r u hiding?? communication goes bothways if both parties dont communicate then we not getting anywhere at all if only one person is talking then its not gonna work. some people are stubborn as hell so u can sit there and talk and talk and talk but they wont be listening and the silent treatments ugh!!!!! yea.... the giving? omg we as females are always giving and giving ive always gave him everything and he cant do simple things for me like it doesnt even make sense yes im men bashing men are soooo frustrating!!!!! all they do is make u angry and all worked up upset annoyed and they act like they dont have a care in the world AT ALL!!! they'll sit there and watch u cry bcuz they made u cry and its perfectly ok for them to scream and raise their voice at u but when u do it its never ok all these double standards UGH!!!!! men...... i dont even know what to do with him cant live with em cant live without em... he needs to get a JOB!!!... grrrrr.. its so frustrating... hes always like oh i wanna marry u i want u to have my last name bear my children live together la la la but hes not showing any strives towards getting a job and saving up for it. he says it cause i dont keep a job for more than 3 months. well excuse me but if u only keep a job for 3 weeks 1 time a year and i get random jobs all year long for not longer than 3months whos that bad on? its like im still trying to figure out what i wanna do im still trying to make it but u ur jus sitting home doing nothing playing videogames and sleeping u expect me to always take care of u but ur not willing to do anything to help out. your idea of helping out is doing dishes. and nothing more. >:O! hes usually always lying to me so i don't really trust him too much but I'm trying to get better with that just like he "says" hes getting better with telling the truth but i shouldn't have to ask him for things i should already have : honesty, respect, communication. like the communication can always get better or worse but i expect at least some decent amount of communication i shouldn't have to sit there and guess oh whats he thinking but at the same time I'm not gonna like expect u to tell me EVERYTHING like u pooping how it looked how that felt like ew? I'm a very simple girl. i like video games i like to be independent, have fun, and i like to show my man all the love he could possibly want or need. i don't expect u to get me shit take me anywhere but do at least get a job to better yourself just cuz u don't see me working 24/7 or all the time doesn't mean u gotta sit there nd not better yourself. it makes no sense. I'm tired of arguing with him over it I'm tired of feeling unappreciated so if it happens it happens... if not then... i dunno... So anyways my family ain't shit i had been staying with Darren n Chelly at their suite with Pooba for a few days at a time, and i feel like there's a shitloada tension and drama that's going to go down, all the secrets and the lies that's within here and everywhere. i feel so confused and frustrated. For once i feel not so depressed bcuz i don't have my "family" dragging me down making me feel useless and like I'm ugly and the fattest girl ever just cuz i got titties and a ass they think that pretty is skin and bones and mosquito bites for titties >.>" i dont wanna look anorexic. they been doing me wrong for years now from stealing from me to throwing my stuff away to trying to kill me... im sooooo serious... so i dont want anything to do with them i just want to get my own place and never see them ever again. i fear my dreams are really further from my grasp then i think it is since i live in nyc shits all super expensive like crazy.. i wish everything would jus fall into place... ive worked soo hard for toooo long to keep landing flat on my ugly face like i been doing all this time... GOD!!!!!!!!!!!! i jus feel so damn hopeless... and with everything going on i feel so...suicidal... all i keep hearing is empty promises im tired of it all... i hate my life :'(
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