All Alone

i've been super stressed out lately with all the arguements and fighting, im sad my friend Chelly went back to Tx.... icing on the cake of this whole thing would be my favorite aunt died on Friday and they buried her today from a freak car accident no one told me anything bout it. all i heard was something about head on collision which i dont understand how that could possibly happen on a 2way street if both parties are on the right side... August 10, 1968- June 26, 2009 Rest in peace May, i love u even tho we didnt always see each other. my mom would always separate us cuz i used to look up to her so much bcuz she was so girly and mom &dad wanted a boy so we couldnt see each other as much. i didnt have that many people in my blood family that "loved" me cuz everyone else was too fucking busy treating me like their servant child. May used to live with us when i was growing up shewas there since i was born. she would take me to thee park across the street in Eldridge St. chinatown and she bought me my first tricycle until dad threw it out cuz he said he never got one when he was growing up so i dont deserve one. even tho thru the years we grew apart and i didnt always agree with her choices since her ex-husband used to molest me when i was 8... i never changed how much i loved her. they didnt last long since he broke into her safeand took her information, a shitload of gold that was given to her thru the years and a shitload of money she had saved up. they had a baby together and he stole everything. i feel so alone everyone keeps leaving me. i only had 3 people to love me in my whole blood family line and theyre jus about all gone... my grammy died bout 2 months ago she used to live with us too back in that tiny apartment in 69 Eldridge st #4 ny ny 10002 haha i still remember the address cuz i remember i had to write it over and over when i was in 1st grade... until i moved... my grammy always loved me best out of the 11 children she had only 7 made it and now only 5 are alive that those 7 all had children and of all those grandkids she has she loved me most. she taught me everything i am today from the language of the homeland Fu Zhou, China to chibonics.. (chinese ebonics lol..) and then theres 1 cousin that i grew up with sorta my parents tried to keep us apart but shes always been there for me when i needed her but our circumstances keep a distance between us but whatever... so 2 are gone only 1 left in family blood bonds... as for everything else its only a matter of time before Pooba leaves too... i feel so abandoned and neglected... :( i feel like God hates me and hes targetting me... me and pooba got into an arguement today... we had made plans to go to the supermarket and he abandoned me cuz someone said something he was like oh u expect me to wait around for u to come back noope i dont but why did u make plans with me then that dont make any sense... i dont feel the love one bit he shows me love whenever he feels good and ready... and im not with that.... i got no home to go back to seeing as to some stranger took over my room and its a reallllllllly small house. i feel hopeless and i for one feel completely alone cuz im trying to get a job to get out of my situation but Pooba dont even seem to be trying at all... he'll fill out 1-2 applications then tell me he filled out 100000000 but meh.... its not my life but he could at least jus upgrade himself some new clothes and shit... anyways... i think the world is picking on me... hey lets see how much shit she takes before she slits her throat :-D! joy...