Infuriating Men, Empowering Women *sigh*

It Alright, Its okay By: Ashley Tisdale
i wish i was as empowering as she is... as much as i feel like i need to TAKE my respect cuz i dont feel it is given i cant jus walk away... he may not be the greatest guy but hes the best i feel like i can do... hence he gets away with a lot of shit... that i wouldnt normally let anyone one else EVER get away with.... so now lets get on to business blogging... life jus seems so excruciating lately with all the bullshit and drama. i dont feel any love from Pooba and im getting tired of him not treating me right. he spends all his time on the computer playing games and watching anime when he should be looking for jobs and not neglecting me. when i ask him to come spend time with me all i get is jus a minute and i end up waiting HOURS and hours.... we got into a fight today bcuz a few months ago we all told him to get a cell phone and he said "oh i dont feel like i need to get a cell" when me and his cousin get into disputes over the house phone and how it takes literally 3-5hours for me to get thru on the house phone and thats not fair to me cuz i always had a cellphone for him to reach me whenever and hes never there for me when i need him so u know Darren got him a cell phone, so now tell me how he dont charge his cellphone which makes no sense cuz he supposedly "fill out hundreds of applications" online for a job whereever it is he said he filled them out at and if his phone is CONSTANTLY off how is he gonna get hired??? his arguement was "only 2 people call me and i see these 2 people EVERYDAY" but if hes trying oh so hard to get a job like he says he is then it shouldnt matter who calls u or how many ppl got ur number u should have your fone on for the jobs to call u. he had a million excuses to back him up and he even got dirty with it. he said "Well i always tell u to keep your fone in the case so it dont get scratches and shit" and he jus got real dirty with it he was like "u didnt even buy the fone Darren did" so i said i do keep it in the case when im not inside and why does it even matter to u on me getting scratches on my fone wont stop the fone from ringing. i already paid Darren back for most of the cellphone so it shouldnt be any of your business. the fone is charged and it rings. what an asshole. he jus sat there and talked bout how im always lecturing him and how i am such a bother and how i have no right to say anything to him about anything or how he treats me cuz he thinks he treats me GREAT......... like wtf...? he treats me how ever he feels to treat me so if he assumes that the convo is headed in a direction that he knows is negative he flips out before giving me a chance to finish or explain... which makes the situation tons worse cuz now im wondering why hes so defensive so quick and he is very suspicious when he does this. if he werent hiding anything he wouldnt get defensive so damn fast nor would he spaz out at me raising his voice at me and such. so basically i got tired of trying to explain myself cuz his stubborn ass dont understand why he needs to have his fone charged and on at all for that matter cuz we all know people pay for your fone so it can sit there and collect dust..... i got tired of explaining myself i got tired of his excuses i told him to gimme my metrocard back and im leaving him he handed it to me and i walked away it hurt me so much but i feel that i need my respect and since he wont give me my respect i need to show him im being serious... so as i walk away i almost got ran over by a yellow cabbie... >.<" i got on the phone with chelly for 9mins exact and i told her what had happened i was so infuriated bcuz i was just making a point that would help him get a job that he says he is so desperately trying to get. i mean what job can u possibly get with ur phone turned off and they only know how to contact u thru the phone number he gave them. it also didn't help that i wanted to call my mom even tho i got my own phone for some reason the *67 number block doesn't work on the sidekick for some reason.. there's a LONG story behind why i don't like my mother i in fact hate her a lot.... she stole plenty from me shes a greedy fucking bitch that doesn't deserve shit and I'm not getting into all that... I'm not an ingrate cuz if u knew the whole story behind her devilishness u would think twice about this world and all the people in it... yea it is THAT BAD... anyways... so after i got off the phone with chelly i started to walk and try to calm down and basically i spent all afternoon trying to find him.... he said he wanted to go to the book store and he didnt go... i waited at the bookstore for him for 3hours... i kept replaying in my mind thathe would just walk into the bookstore and sit next to me and nudge me to get my attention... lol.. im such an idiot sap shut up lol... cuz that whole time i was walking and thinkin for 2hours walking to the bookstore i kept thinking wow.. this must be the stupidest reason for someone to fight over a stupid phone.... im an ass... but i do have a valid point... sometimes i think back to all the fights i ever had with him and i think about why we fight and what we fought over and how it all went down and i have come to the conclusion that 97% of the time i spend more time arguing to explain my point across cuz i dont feel like hes listeninng where as 3% is arguing over whos right and whos wrong.. which isnt bad seeing as to most couples argue over whos right and whos wrong and thats jus really childish and i cant stand arguing over bullshit i have no patience for stupid fights that all started over nothing important towards anything i feel that is beneath us... petty shits u know stuff of that sorts... but i jus really wished he would listen to me i dont ask much of him i am not materialistic i dont ask him to buy me anything or do anything outrageous i am very simple i jus want to love and be loved but with fairness its jus realllllly infuriating when we fight over and over and all i hear is the same excuses over and over and hes not getting my point and im jus tryin to make everything easier for the both of us cuz i dont have anything to gain from any of this i jus dont understand... cuz i got a shit load of guys girls whatevers trying to get at me with cars their own apartments lots of money and all sorts of shit but i dont care about any of that i mean i do want a car and a place away from my blood/moneythirsty family but i dont want it to be jus handed to me i wanna work my way up from nothing to having everything with someone cuz to me its not about getting it its about the adventure on my way there. thats what its ALL about with me. like i play a videogame called Ragnarok Online where i gotta level up a class to level 99 and for most people the Priest class is SUPER difficult i dont agree though. i have 8 High Priests, it and it wasnt the fact of me having 8 bcuz each one has its own story behind it i made each one from nothing to now having millions of zeny in the game like its not about getting it cuz if it were i would jus buy someone elses account and change the names but to me its all about the adventure and all the fun i had on my way to level 99. same goes for real life. i dont want someone to jus hand me a million bucks a car a house i want to work my way up since i got nothing now and someday have everything in this 2 person party us having everything and then us looking back and laughing about it or just u know going down memory lane and appreciating everything yea thats the word APPRECIATING. cuz when everything is jus given to u u dont quite appreciate it all. well all i can say for today is at the end of the night i found Pooba and we talked and idk whats going to happen from there but i hope he grows up instead of going in the same route we been going on which isnt too gravy...